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 HOUSING: ALFONSE SUNWALKER
Jinn
 Posted: Jun 5 2018, 10:58 AM
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The house that Alfonse built was built probably a quarter of a mile from Ashfield's outskirts. While it is close enough to the city in that he can reach Ashfield in twenty minutes at an average pace, it is also far out enough that Alfonse gets the privacy he desires. He selected the land for it's position on a slight hill, with trees so close together that their branches are almost smelted.

The building of his house started by taking down the trees on the hill, which probably took Alfonse a good five months to chop down and move into piles. This was the first step. Then he measured out and chopped out the logs to his desired dimensions. While there was no sealing measure for the logs to be put on top of one another, he enlisted the help of his father (despite their current relations) to move the logs into the slots he carved out on the ends.

This created a large, one room house in the end. A wooden platform was put in for the floor, approximately three inches from the ground. He cut a rough medium-sized hole in the middle of the floor, before he deposited a lot of river rocks around the inside rim. This creates the fireplace, where Alfonse cooks and keeps the house warm at night when it gets chilly.

While there is no sealing in the walls for the house to hold its heat, they are close enough that wild Pokemon don't accidentally come in and slaughter Alfonse and Rune in their sleep. In the far left corner, there's a square wooden frame that encases the bed. The mattress itself is made of Mareep wool and flattened into a square. It's covered in rough cloth. His blankets are made from Mareep wool as well, slightly scratch-inducing, but comfortable. There's one pillow stuffed with mareep wool and the cloth sewn shut. The bed doesn't stand on legs.

In the closest left corner, there are two shelves placed against the wall and a few cubby holes. This is for storage, while in the corner adjacent to the right of the cupboards, has large wooden bowls cluttered in it and piled together. These are used to heat water, bathe, wash clothes, ect. In the corner opposite the bed, there's a roughly hewn table with one chair.

It's rather spartan and sparse, but Alfonse likes it. Plus, it's all in one room. It's not necessarily huge, but it's not small either. Outside the house (as you face the door), there's a small shanty attached to the right side of the house. There's no door that goes to the actual house itself, but this is used for firewood.

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Jani
 Posted: Jun 12 2018, 02:57 PM
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critique 6/12/2018
@Jinn

This is a fantastic foundation (house pun, house pun), but it feels pretty minimal. Keep in mind that for the same loyalty benefits of housing, an immigrant would be paying at least 700 tokens. This means that the effort and detail that is put into native housing threads should be significant, because we expect the effort to essentially be equivalent to hundreds of tokens. I have brainstormed a few suggestions for you to use, if you like. You can create a second post, or edit the first post, or both. And of course let me know if you have any questions!

Here are some suggestions for things that you've already covered, but that you could elaborate on:

  • More description of the plot of land. I loved the details that you included and I'm craving more. Perhaps also include why that plot of land in particular appealed to Alfonse? You said he chose it because it was on a slightly raised bit of land, but why was that important to him? Did it appeal for practical reasons, or aesthetic reasons? Etc etc.
  • More information on clearing the land could be good. How did he remove the stumps? Any territorial Pokemon that had to be dealt with?
  • How "large" exactly is the "large, one-room house"? Is it large as in, say, twenty square feet?

And here are some suggestions for additional things to write about, if you like:

  • How long has Alfonse lived there? Are there any specific events that took place in the house that are meaningful to Alfonse?
  • On a similar note, try elaborating on the meaning of the house itself to Alfonse. I think you touched on this, but is there any more to it? Why did he want to strike out on his own at a fairly young age, when most might find it easier to remain with their parents?
  • Being out in the forest, are there any particular pests that Alfonse deals with regularly? Or any other struggles that come from being away from the main city?
  • How much time does Alfonse actually spend in his house? Does only use it for sleeping, or does he actively hang out there during the day, as well?
  • I noticed there was no mention of the roof- is it flat? Slanted? Thatched? I assume there's a chimney of some sort so that the smoke from the fire can escape?

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